btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i will never coherently bang her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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