I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
