it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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