Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
