Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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