Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
