well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
