i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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