i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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