I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
