Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
