Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
