Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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