Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
