my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
