people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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