i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
