I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
