I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
