I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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