Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
