just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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