Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
