She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
