She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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