I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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