At least make sure they are 18
Why
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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