so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize