i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize