I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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