quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alive.
So much puke
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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