he thought i was a dude.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
