your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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