meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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