i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
