Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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