Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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