His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
