like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found puke in my bra..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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