I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
