im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
