How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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