check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
