doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
