he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
