pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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