I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
