i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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