Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
