Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
do nipples grow back?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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