i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
