My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
