Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
