Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize