Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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