i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
