just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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