Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
