Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
