i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize