I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
