like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
