the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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