a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
