Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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