Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
