Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
