whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
