We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
