Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
