Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
