the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
