If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
