Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
