i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
