Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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